My heart is broken

On Wednesday October 9th, I received the most devastating news ever.  My baby girl had died.

 This was the last picture I took of her.  The Saturday before.  Less than 4 days before.  She was having a tough time in college & needed some dog therapy.  I brought Blake.  She wanted me to bring Laika.  We walked along the lakefront path, listening to the owls & squirrels, and we walked out on the pier & I took her picture.  Had I known, had I really known….

I remember leaving, thinking how I just wanted to hold her again like when she was a baby.  I wanted to make everything alright.  She looked exhausted.  I figured it was from mid-terms & a heavy class load & her maintaining her 4.0…..

I thought that I was just being that over protective mother.  I had visited with her every weekend since she went to college.  She complained that other girls who live within 20 minutes of their parents haven't  even gone home yet, and there I was 3 hours away driving to see her every weekend.

She wanted to keep Blake in her dorm room with her.  I told her no.  I wish I had told her yes.  What if… what if…. what if….. I will do that for the rest of my life.

I am so sorry my baby girl.  I am so sorry.